Shadow Work During Pregnancy
Well, to say it's been a while is an understatement. Since becoming pregnant, I have felt the need to go deep into my internal cave and have had very little communication with the online realm for quite some time. But today I'm feeling inspired, at 34 weeks pregnant, to share a little bit of my experience and to give some comfort to any other pregnant women who may be going through something similar.
We are often sold images of pregnancy as being blissful and joyful (even I am super guilty of this!) and while I actually have experienced this pregnancy as blissful and joyful, it has also been a massive descent process into the recesses of my heart, soul and mind. It's been a time of deep shadow work for me.
I feel that this is a completely natural process given that when we are pregnant we are responsible for ushering in a new soul (even old souls are coming in with a fresh perspective this time around). With the ushering in of this new soul comes a new paradigm, inevitably, and if we are really paying attention I believe we can tune in to the purification process that takes place when we have the privilege to carry such a bright light in our wombs.
Life has such an incredible divine intelligence to it. I am blown away. From the moment my husband and I conceived, he and I both began a deep purification process- looking at and being with old wounds that we were so certain were already healed, diving deep into insecurities and finally finding our way (after sometimes fighting tooth and nail) to surrender.
Considering I've been studying birth for about 9 years I was deeply surprised to find out much de-programming work there was still left to do this time around. Flashbacks of my first birth have haunted me during this pregnancy reminding me of the lingering beliefs that got solidified in my psyche from giving birth in a system that didn't truly support the natural unfolding of a woman's process. I have discovered more and more lies that exist within the prenatal care and the birth process. (I thought I already knew most of them! Turns out I was just scratching the surface.)
Most importantly through this purification process I continue to step more and more fully into my sovereignty- diving deeply into trust and faith that I actually do know what is best for my body and my baby over anyone else. Period.
As I get closer to the birth of my baby, I'd like to share a few tips on what has worked for me while navigating what feels like the shadows of pregnancy, birth and motherhood- or really, just being a woman in today's extremely disconnected and distorted world.
Be with your animal body every day.
What do I mean by the animal body? That primal earthy connected part of you that resides in the body. Listen deeply to her needs. What does she want to eat? When does she need a nap? A walk? A bath? A cuddle? How much can you surrender to her needs and just give her exactly what she wants without going up inside your head to question her every instinct and intuition? We have been taught over and over again as women to put everyone else's needs first, to second guess our intuition and that generally our bodies can't be trusted. There is a deep purging of these false beliefs that can happen when we allow our bodies to guide us in the simplest ways during pregnancy- such as trusting our cravings and our bodily needs.
Be with every emotion that arises, no matter how blissful or difficult.
I am already an emotional person but with the hormones flowing and the process of purification happening I'm blown away by how many different emotions can pass through my field in just one day. Some of the most potent medicine I've given myself during this pregnancy is to just BE with all that flows through- no fixing, no analyzing allowed. One minute I'm crying from feeling alone, the next I am belly dancing with joy while feeling my baby move. There's space for all of it. Through the allowing and being with, all of my shadowy parts can come to light and be integrated back to my core, thus helping me to arrive to the threshold of birth whole and strong and willing to face whatever may be.
Be aware not to pathologize every sensation you experience.
Again, because we are taught over and over through cultural programming to essentially be afraid of our bodies, it is so easy to analyze every sensation we experience and label it as wrong, scary or something that needs to be medically treated. Being pregnant is extremely vulnerable. You're opening up on all levels and you're sensitive to the advice and worries of others. How can you go back continuously to your core and ask yourself, "Is there truly something wrong?" and trust that you will in fact know when there really is something to be concerned about. Can you learn to see your body as a fluid organism constantly shifting and adjusting...sometimes feeling out of balance, but then always able to find its way back? Can you challenge yourself to trust the natural intelligence of life itself that runs through yourself and your baby to guide your way and allow this intelligence to be your primary caregiver?
If your birth plans entail swimming upstream from the rest of society, don't tell them to anyone else.
This tip can be shocking to people...what do you mean that I have to keep this all to myself? I believe it's in your highest good to only share with the select few who you know will be truly supportive. Remembering how vulnerable and sensitive you are to the thoughts, vibrations and worries of others, you've got to be selective about who you allow into your realm and who you share your dreams with. The truth is that the majority of people in the modern world are sold an extremely distorted version of birth and postpartum. It's up to you to dig deeply into your own guidance to learn what is right for YOU and YOUR baby.
If something feels wrong, it is.
If the way that obgyn looked at you, spoke to you and touched you without consent felt wrong, that's because it was. If the way that midwife pathologized your symptoms when you were just expressing a passing insecurity felt wrong, it's because it was. If the fact that someone told you that you aren't able to have a vaginal birth because of x, y or z reason felt wrong, it's because it was. TRUST yourself. TRUST yourself. TRUST yourself. At the end of the day, only you are responsible for turning over your power. No is a complete sentence. No one "lets you" or "doesn't let you" do things when you are pregnant or birthing. You consent. And if you have been consenting when everything inside of you is screaming no, look into that and makes some changes so you can claim your sovereignty before you go into labor.
Let Go of control- Surrender.
It always come down to this word for me. If your pregnancy and birth are blissful and joyful, high vibration and fun, surrender. If your pregnancy and birth are deep, shadowy, watery and murky, surrender. If they are orgasmic and ecstatic, surrender. If they are painful and challenging, surrender. When we drop the resistance to what is, we are gifted with a natural guidance that shows up in every moment. This guidance is there without force, always. Just waiting patiently for us to listen and respond.